you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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