you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
