why didn't you poke me back
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
