I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He passed out mid-signature
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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