Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
