can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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