I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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