I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
