dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
