Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
