why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
