Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
