I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me