So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.