At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
