how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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