Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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