When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
