I heard we made out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
