You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
