she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize