How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
