My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
