Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
