Im at strip club and am horny
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
