I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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