The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
