i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize