I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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