Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
