he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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