I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
