So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
