he thought i was a dude.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We have so much sex to catch up on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
