when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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