No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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