the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
