how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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