Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I supernannyed him into submission
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
