So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
