sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
