I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
