No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
