did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
