operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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