Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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