As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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