woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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