Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i will never coherently bang her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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