you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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