brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
