Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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