You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
