Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
