I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
