so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
