I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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