Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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