Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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