There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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