google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
bring money and cleavage
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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