i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
