AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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