I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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