Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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