STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
