I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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