I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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