if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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