Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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