Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
