I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
