You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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