Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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