mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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