I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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