She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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