Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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