I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did i walk over a car last night?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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