Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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