Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
