I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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