let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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