Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
