idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
