I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
